By Ronn Jerard
First thing I want to make clear is that some people who know me think that I am not an authority on what constitutes a successful relationship. However, having had my share of them over the years, including three marriages, I have learned a thing or two about what does and does not make my relationships work. Some of what I have learned will no doubt apply to some, while others may think that I am full of hooey. Nevertheless, anyone committed to self-improvement might find some useful tips in this article. So, here goes…
Secret #1: Tell her you love her, every day. If you really love her, she will appreciate hearing you tell her so. I don’t allow a day to go by without telling my mate that I love her. She “gets” that I mean it, so my joy comes from watching her reaction when I say those three little words. And, because I love her, I want her to experience joy through hearing from me how much she means to me. Warning: if you don’t mean it, don’t say it, because she can tell if the reality of your relationship does not match your words.
Secret #2: Show her that you love her. I live by the adage “what you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you’re saying.” At the end of the day, she will judge how you feel about her by your actions. Do the obvious little things, like taking out the trash; putting the toilet seat down after using the bathroom; doing the dishes; cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom; preparing a meal for her before she gets home; and buying her flowers and other gifts without having a specific reason to do so. These are just examples; they don’t have to be elaborate. She will notice how frequently you do these things, and she will interpret this to mean that you love her and are concerned about her happiness. And you just might benefit from how she expresses her gratitude.
Secret #3: Pay attention to what she says and does. Most women want their men to know what they like or dislike, and that only comes from what women say and do. Listening and observing her reveals many insights into what makes her who she is. And even though who she is today may change tomorrow, paying close attention will arm you with what you need to be a beneficial presence in her life. She will love you for it.
Secret #4: Maintain eye contact when you are talking with her. This is related to Secret #3, and is a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. In previous relationships, I was not always present when talking to my mates, and they knew it before I did. Women are right-brain intuitive, and they know when a man is “just not here with me.” That can cause a lot of problems, including having to sleep on the couch now and again! Today, I give my lady my full attention when we talk, looking her in the eyes and responding to her comments and questions. If I don’t have time to do that in the present moment, I suggest that we have our conversation later, when I know that I can give her my full attention.
Secret #5: Share her interests. It’s great if a woman shares a man’s interests, but it is essential that a man shares hers; at least some of them. Failure to do so may land you in the proverbial doghouse. There is nothing wrong with taking her to see a “chick flick” from time to time, and it could land you some brownie points when you need them A relationship has two partners, and sharing each others’ interests is healthy for both of you. If you are never open to doing what she likes, she will begin to wonder if you care for her at all. Let’s face it, women think and react differently than men, and rather than fight this fact, it’s best to work with it. Once again, don’t do this as if you are being led to slaughter. If you love her, find a way to appreciate and enjoy what makes her happy.
Secret #6: Make her laugh. Surveys highlight the fact that one of the most consistent attributes that women look for in a mate is a sense of humor. In fact, it often trumps a guy’s physical appearance. Imagine that! I make my lady laugh every day, and she loves me for it. It took a while to learn this secret. Years ago, when I thought that I was NOT funny, I was not as successful with women. If you don’t think you are funny, and you value your relationship, learn how to make her laugh. I bought a book of jokes and started there. Later, I found a better approach in just seeing the humor in everyday situations, and started laughing at them. She laughed at me because I was laughing; and I kept developing my personal humorous style. In my present relationship, my humor strengthens our bond.
Secret #7: Hold her hands in public: This may sound stupid, but many women have told me that it is romantic when guys hold their hands in public. And yes, I do it all the time with my lady! Just notice couples holding hands and you will see how attached they are to each other. They appear to be connected and committed to each other, for them and for everyone else to see. It is a public declaration that they love each other, and that they want the world to know it. After all, isn’t that one of the perks of being in love: a visible expression of commitment?
Secret #8: Touch her in non-sexual ways, a lot. I have female friends who complain that guys only want to touch them when they want sex. That may be alright for men, but women desire touch as a way of emotionally connecting to their mates, and not always for sex as an end result. Women need to be touched often; and guys who do this with gentle and genuine finesse deepen the connection with their partners. Try this: softly rub her shoulders, back, forehead, temples, neck, hands, arms, feet, and legs; not all at once but over a wider time frame, while not doing so expecting to have sex, and you will deepen your connection with her. Trust me, I have found out the hard way. (Truth be told, I’m still finding out. After all, we men don’t know as much about relating to women as we think we do.)
Secret #9: Learn how to become an expert lover to her. I have never heard a guy admit that he needed to learn how to be a better lover. Most guys believe they are the greatest in bed, and that they know how to please a woman better than anyone else; especially their woman. So why do some women cheat? Recently, a researcher on television revealed the results of a survey that found that the highest percentage of women cheated on their husbands because they are not satisfied in bed. Wow! Whether men want to admit it or not, we weren’t born with the knowledge of how to please a woman. There are many reasons for this, but I believe a primary one is that all women are different. Yes, there are similarities, but each woman is unique. What works for one woman may not work for another. Each new woman with whom sex is an option is a lesson to be learned. Thinking you know what pleases one woman in an on-going relationship based on your previous relationships, can be traumatic for both partners. While I continue to educate and train myself in how to please my woman, I now know that it is an ongoing commitment to being the best lover I can be to my mate. When I think I have attained the level of Master, I do something (or don’t do something) that reminds me to focus on my mate’s needs and check my ego at the bedroom door. And that has worked well for us. Not to brag (well, maybe just a little!), but my mate continues to tell me that I am the best lover she has ever had; not because I came to her with knowledge-aforethought, but because I take the time to learn HOW to please her in every way that I can. That’s my story, guys.
There may be even more reasons why relationships are successful. So you may agree with me or not, but these notes are from my experiences. If you have others to share, please leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you. After all, I’m still learning.