Posted by: ArtisrRJ19 | September 24, 2012

Three Ways to Keep the Fire Burning

Three Ways to Keep the Fire Burning

What happened to that burning fire that raged in my body when I first fell in love? Where did it go? It was here last week. What went wrong? 

Do these questions sound familiar? It still amazes me that even the most enlightened person can be blinded by the initial emotions associated with falling in love. There is that euphoria that surrounds you with constant thoughts about your new-found love object. Your senses are fired up with endorphin-propelled hormones, and all you want to do is be with this new person. You can’t get enough of talking to her on the phone, exchanging text messages, emailing her, seeing her, holding hands with her, thinking about her, and looking forward to the day when you first make love with her. You are convinced that these feelings and longings will last forever, and that nothing will ever diminish this fire that burns in you. 

Alas, nothing is farther from the truth. I know because I have been in love enough times to know that this elation – this passion, this fire – will run its course in due time.  But try to remind one of this when all he can do is experience this heady exhilaration brought about by “the woman I have been looking for all my life,” and he will tell you point-blank that there is something wrong with you for not understanding what he is feeling! “This one is the real deal, man”, he will offer, and to anyone who is within earshot. Bizarre, isn’t it? 

The truth is, over time, a relationship settles in to a routine, which is not necessarily a bad thing, as a couple gets to know each other one day at a time. During this phase, feelings become less driven by hormones as both persons begin to see things about their partners that remained hidden in the early days of getting to know each other. “Why didn’t I see that in her before?” you ask, truly believing that she hid this trait from you until now! Actually, she didn’t, and even if she had shown that part of her personality, you would have been too much in love to see it.

And, of course, there’s the issue of sexual compatibility.  “I could have sworn that she was so much more romantic and willing in the early days.  Why is she less so now?” After all, sex was hot, creative, adventurous, frequent, and you did it almost everywhere! What happened? Now there are times when she is totally indifferent, leaving you to wonder what happened to that passionate heat, that fire that kept you pawing away at each other as often as both of you felt the need, which was very often. Should you be concerned that you might be losing sexual prowess and the ability to keep her interested? Oh, no, that can’t be it. Surely you would know if that was happening, wouldn’t you?    

Welcome to the real world! Simply put, the level of passion that you experienced in the early stage of your relationship cannot last for more than a few months. If it did, it would signal something strange and abnormal about one or both partners. The honeymoon period must end; otherwise, you can’t get on with the growth phase, which is necessary for any healthy relationship. The real work of a relationship begins in this phase. When you remain blinded by the realities of sharing your life with another human being, you cannot grow in areas that are essential to building a mature, adult union that can stand the test of time. Here is where you settle down to constructing a meaningful bond that can have longevity. 

Now, that fire does not have to disappear. In fact, a spark of it is necessary to keep passion alive, especially during the challenging times. And, if a couple is together for any measurable length of time, there will be challenges. If mutual love, respect and commitment are present, then that original fire still remains as an important part of the relationship. It just takes a conscious effort for each partner to keep the fire burning.

I have found three sure-fire ways to keep the fire burning:

One: Open and honest communication. 

The better a couple can communicate in this fashion, without blame, guilt or recrimination, the more likely that their mutual love, respect, and desire for each other will grow. My lady and I do this a lot, and it strengthens our bond. True, we had to learn how to remove blame from our communication. But it has paid off in bringing us closer together. And that, after all, is part of the growth process.

Two: Share each other’s interests. 

Another strategy for keeping the fire burning is by sharing mutual interests. If, for example, I know that my lady enjoys visiting…let’s say, fashion shows, I make it my conscious effort to share this activity with her.  She in turn, might share my love of museums with me. We do this enough that we actually enjoy sharing each others’ interests. Conscious couples work hard on this aspect of their relationship, and this, too, adds a deeper bond between the partners.

Three: Spice things up.

I spice up my relationship by surprising my lady with flowers from time to time, especially when it is for no special occasion.  She loves this, as do most women. I also like to send her e-cards and cards through the mail, for no other reason than to remind her that she is on my mind, and that I love and value her. And she really loves it when I buy silky, sexy lingerie for her. These actions tell her that she is still sexy and desirable and that I value her and appreciate that quality in her. 

So, if you love her, you can keep the fire burning in your relationship. It may take work, but there are few greater rewards that the joys of a bond between two people who love each other and are continuously committed to strengthening the bond that ties them together.  Here’s to the fire.   

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